Friday, 4 May 2012

2 months

I reposted "explore" because I'm so excited.

Just 1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days to go!!!

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

For most of my life I grew up thinking that life was what God made it to be for us, that we had no control over anything, but only recently, as an adult, have I realized that life is what we make of it and we are only guided by God if we truly believe.

While the people in my life now are truly cherished there are those who I have met and passed judgment on me so quickly that they never even bothered to get to know me. Most of my teenage years and even now as an adult I have encountered people who think I'm spoilt, cold-hearted, stuck up or simply a bitch, but honestly they have no clue!

It is these people who have led me to stop believing that I can trust most people. I start relationships with caution and have found that I'd rather say the truth about what I'm thinking instead of constantly worrying "what if this hurts someone?"
The way I see it is: why should I? No one ever bothered to give me the same courtesy! Because if you honestly believe that I am anything other than what I say I am then you don't know me at all, you don't know the pain I've seen and experienced and you will most likely never understand me.

But calling me a bitch for saying it how I see it is, is okay with me, wasn't Jesus the one who said: "Judge not lest ye be judged"? Well I am sorry to say that if you judge me, I'll judge you all the same.

For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2

Thursday, 3 May 2012


Today was one of the hardest days I've had in months. I don't want to divulge all the personal details of my life so I'll just say that certain aspects of my life feel like they are either slipping away or falling apart.

It is easy to blame others for everything that is going wrong, as I usually do but today I forced myself to be honest with myself, I control my life, I am to blame for anything that upsets me. Why? Because it either happened due to my own actions or because I'm so weak that I let it affect me so.

So I thought, how can I change this? The only way is to control my own happiness, don't let it be so controlled by others. Also, there are certain things about my personality that I need to change. Cause when it comes down to it, all the major upsets in my life were because I am an insecure, neurotic, control freak!

I'm sure some of you are nodding your heads in agreement, to those who don't know me quite so well...yes, it's true!
Most people would think, why on earth would you tell people your greatest weaknesses!? Well the first step to overcoming a weakness is to recognize it and then to admit to it. Plus I thought it would be interesting to see who would test me or use it against me.

I had a big reality check today and it's time I took my happiness in my own hands and overcame the one personality trait that was always causing me to be unhappy. It may be hard at first but the way I see it is that I have no choice. I need to gain strength from what happened today. I need to look forward to whatever tomorrow brings with strength.