Friday, 4 May 2012

2 months

I reposted "explore" because I'm so excited.

Just 1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days to go!!!

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

For most of my life I grew up thinking that life was what God made it to be for us, that we had no control over anything, but only recently, as an adult, have I realized that life is what we make of it and we are only guided by God if we truly believe.

While the people in my life now are truly cherished there are those who I have met and passed judgment on me so quickly that they never even bothered to get to know me. Most of my teenage years and even now as an adult I have encountered people who think I'm spoilt, cold-hearted, stuck up or simply a bitch, but honestly they have no clue!

It is these people who have led me to stop believing that I can trust most people. I start relationships with caution and have found that I'd rather say the truth about what I'm thinking instead of constantly worrying "what if this hurts someone?"
The way I see it is: why should I? No one ever bothered to give me the same courtesy! Because if you honestly believe that I am anything other than what I say I am then you don't know me at all, you don't know the pain I've seen and experienced and you will most likely never understand me.

But calling me a bitch for saying it how I see it is, is okay with me, wasn't Jesus the one who said: "Judge not lest ye be judged"? Well I am sorry to say that if you judge me, I'll judge you all the same.

For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2

Thursday, 3 May 2012


Today was one of the hardest days I've had in months. I don't want to divulge all the personal details of my life so I'll just say that certain aspects of my life feel like they are either slipping away or falling apart.

It is easy to blame others for everything that is going wrong, as I usually do but today I forced myself to be honest with myself, I control my life, I am to blame for anything that upsets me. Why? Because it either happened due to my own actions or because I'm so weak that I let it affect me so.

So I thought, how can I change this? The only way is to control my own happiness, don't let it be so controlled by others. Also, there are certain things about my personality that I need to change. Cause when it comes down to it, all the major upsets in my life were because I am an insecure, neurotic, control freak!

I'm sure some of you are nodding your heads in agreement, to those who don't know me quite so well...yes, it's true!
Most people would think, why on earth would you tell people your greatest weaknesses!? Well the first step to overcoming a weakness is to recognize it and then to admit to it. Plus I thought it would be interesting to see who would test me or use it against me.

I had a big reality check today and it's time I took my happiness in my own hands and overcame the one personality trait that was always causing me to be unhappy. It may be hard at first but the way I see it is that I have no choice. I need to gain strength from what happened today. I need to look forward to whatever tomorrow brings with strength.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Friend or faux?

For those who read my blog regularly you might remember me mentioning that i've never surrounded myself with a big pose of girlfriends and lately i have become very proud of myself for always keeping my distance from 'those girls'.

Ive observed that 'those girls' are not really "BFFs", they stick together to validate their own existence, they lie and cheat. 'Those girls' pretend to be one big happy family but will be the first to say something nasty about one another. They come up to girls like me and say 'gosh i cant stand her she is so two-faced!'

Sometimes its better to have a handful of close friends then countless fakes just to seem cool. So here is a message to you, to all those girls who have said something bad about someone they consider their 'bestfriend', take a step back and think: is she really your friend or just a faux?

Too busy to write.

Good evening Sydney-siders, its been a while...i know! I've been so busy trying to keep my world afloat while trying not to drown in the pressure i put on myself. Things have seemed to calm down a bit, this week at least, next week will be back to business, running around like mad and pretending (always pretending) to be on top of things.

Im sure you can all sympathise with me, Sydney is one of the most fast-paced cities in the world, there is no time to take your time. Have you ever really just sat down and watched the day go by? Notice how no one walks at a leisurely pace, we all power walk from meeting to meeting, always grabbing a 'quick bite to eat' instead of enjoying a long relaxing lunch. Ever notice how women wear sneakers on the train instead of their heels, just to walk to work that much quicker?

When did our lives become blurred, its no wonder we look back on the days and barely remember anything, only when those rare moments come by that are significant enough for us to pause and take a deep breath do we remember why it is we push ahead all the time, trying to get ahead instead of just falling behind. Those moments have become defining in most of our lives and at the end of it all we start to question: how do i escape this rat race? But ofcourse Monday comes along and its back to business, we forget the thought as quickly as it came to mind.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012


In exactly four months my bags will be packed and I'll be preparing myself to say goodbye to everyone I know, everyone that makes me who I am, well who I am today that is, who i am when I come home might be a different story.

I'll have to say goodbye to all my family and friends and hardest of all the one person who holds me together when I am feeling sad, insecure, scared or vulnerable, my boyfriend. I'll have to say goodbye and fly to the other side of the world... alone.

While in many ways this scares the living hell out of me i am so excited. I will be speaking new languages, eating exotic foods, learning new cultures, art and history, and of course shopping shopping shopping!!

However, the thing that excites me most is that I will be growing under the European sun, finding out more about who I am as a person and learning to love myself as an individual.

I can't wait to explore London, fall in love with Paris, drink wine in the Beaujolais Wine region, picnic in the French countryside, have my night of glamour in Monte Carlo, be amazed at the architecture in Florence, get in touch with my spirited side in Rome and the Vatican, go paragliding in Austria, struggle for words at the Dachau concentration camp in Munich, eating lots of chocolate in Switzerland, party away in Amsterdam and finally relax abroad in Croatia, finding peace and familiarity in a country I hold deep in my heart.

4 months and counting.....

Friday, 24 February 2012

Young love.

So lately i have been thinking about young love and the crushing power it has over most of us who have experienced it. These thoughts have been inspired by none other than the two men in my life at the moment, Nicholas Bean and the wonderful Mr Nicholas Sparks.
I am currently reading his latest novel 'The Best of Me' and i noticed a trend in his writing. With novels such as The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Dear John and The Last Song, just to name a few, most of his work is based on young love.
We are drawn into towns such as those in Old America where Sparks bases most of his stories in, here it is easy to see how romance was something sought by all.

I think you would all agreed with me when i say that up until we experience that first-time love we all believe in romance and undying passion, and that is why first loves are so amazing, why we never forget them. And like me some of you may have experienced this in your teens. Two kids who know nothing of real life, figuring out love. And if you are lucky like me, that first love, that young love, turns into a great love. Sparks writes of losing that first, young love and being tortured by that loss and why wouldn't you be? I believe you can find love again, in someone else, but i cant imagine it being this strong, i still feel like a teenager at heart and this is something i never want to lose.

And just like when Carrie asked Big 'have you ever been in love?'
I can reply just as he did; ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

We are all different.

Still Alice

Still Alice is the debut novel by Lisa Genova. It is about Alice Howland, a Harvard professor, mother and wife who is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease.

The novel follows Alice's journey from her first memory lapses to losing herself completely to the disease.
From the first page Genova draws you in, creating a world filled with wisdom, success and love.
Alice Howland has it all and at 50 years of age she hasn't been able to enjoy it for long enough. We follow her struggle in coming to terms with having a rare and incurable disease, we cry with her family and we fear with Alice, how much of herself is she willing to let go of?

Alice's story ends with one simple message: while Alzheimer's can take away your memories and intellect, it can never take away the one thing that matters, your heart. You can look across from you and not know that the woman sitting there is your daughter but you will always feel the love you have in your heart, because it is the emotions you feel and relationships you create that shape our lives the most, these are the things that will never leave us. These are the things that made her Still Alice.

For more information on Still Alice, Lisa Genova, Alzheimer's disease or the Dementia Association please click on the link below:

Cocktail anyone?

I saw an advertisement on the MTV Foxtel channel today and while i cant find the ad online to share i did find the fact sheet.

For those ladies and certain gentlemen (and i know there are plenty of them out there cause i know a fair few) who like a fruity drink to wind down with in summer or at the end of the day, here are some new ones. Just click on the link for lots of fun new recipes that sound so delicious. I cant wait to try them myself!

Just a click and a sip away from some summer fun :)

The Midori Carnival sounds amazing!

Monday, 6 February 2012

Check it out :)

Everyone should check out my friend Ellen's blog :
The Life of Me

(just click on the link above)

Xo N

Sex and the City.

Just a few of my favourite quotes from the seasons and movies:

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cites. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart."

‎"Later that day i got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back, but the most challenging, exciting and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, thats just fabulous."

“The fact is, sometimes it’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.”

“That’s the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don’t need them anymore.”

And when Mr. Big finally opens his heart:
“It took me a really long time to get here, but I’m here. Carrie, you’re the one.”

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”

“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.”

“Maybe you’re only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I’ve used mine up.”

“F**k me badly once, shame on you. F**k me badly twice, shame on me!”
Replace the 'F' word with the word "Hurt"

From the movie:

“And there, in the same city where they met as girls, four New York women entered the next phase of their lives dressed head to toe in love. And that’s the one label that never goes out of style.”

You cant say that you do not learn anything from television, because i learnt a lot from these girls.

Monday, 30 January 2012

A new outlook.

In the past my life was full of drama.
Drama with friends was all about those who did not make enough effort, new friends coming into my life and not getting along with others, and friends leaving.
Drama with my boyfriend that consisted of jealous and arguments that were caused by insecurities.
And ofcourse drama that had to do with lack of confidence and paranoia that everyone had something negative to say about me behind my back that would lead me to argue with people.

But lately i thought 'fuck it'. I used to say this a lot in the past but things still bothered me but today when the new guy at work did something to really piss me off i decided not to even bother confronting him. I am going to treat him with as much respect as he gave me, which is none. Call it petty if you wish, i am not going to give people the time of day anymore, i mean what the point in it? He doesn't mean anything to me so why should waste my energy on him?

The same philosophy will go with everything else in my life, from now on instead of taking the path that will ease my paranoia (confronting people) i am going to ignore it, take the easy path, and let the worry fade away. I am going to teach myself a lesson, not to be bothered by things that wont matter in a couple of days time.

I suggest you all do the same, life is much simple this way.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012


It's 12.30am and I can't sleep.
Today a co-worker asked me "what is your dream?" and I said "I don't have a dream" she then told me that I had to have a dream and that I would never forget that conversation.

In truth, I had dreams, but I let go of the idea of them a long time ago, because lets face it, those sorts of dreams never come true. Not for people like me.

Now my dreams are for things that I wish I could see in this lifetime but I know I never will.

I dream of seeing the day that cancer is cured. The day when time travel is possible, of the day I can go back 15 years and stop a bad accident from happening and being able to change the fact that my parents homeland was destroyed, something that still haunts them to this day.

I dream of being able to take away the pains of war, of living in a world where children don't go hungry.

I don't dream of things that others dream of, most people would of answered "I dream of being rich" but those people have never known pain and for those who have, I wish I could say "I dream of a world where pain doesn't exist," but if we didn't know pain how could we ever be grateful for its absence?

Isn't it how the song goes "we bleed just to know we're alive"?

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Funny videos.

Just a couple funny videos that have been going around on my Facebook newsfeed that i thought i'd share. Enjoy! 

Wednesday, 18 January 2012


All my life I have been highly independent. I started working before I was 14, I have never needed someone to remind me to do something or push me to get tasks done, I didn't delay one day in getting my license and I never ask for help.

I never really had a big pose of girlfriends to define me as a person, I skydived alone and now I'm going to Europe for a little over a month, all alone.

I could of asked someone to come with me, but I didn't. I just booked my tickets and told my parents and that was that.

I'm really excited, although as the weeks go by I get more and more nervous and at times completely freaked our at the point of panic, can I really do this? Abandon everything comforting and familiar to fly to the other side of the world and survive on my own?

I'm okay about leaving my family, I just don't want to be without my boyfriend for that long, call me a baby or whatever you like, but when u see someone every single day the thought of not being able to see them for a month is a little frightening.

I'll be okay with missing him, it's just that what happens if we argue or something happens that I can't be here for him? It's not easy solving problems when you are so far away!
The worst part is that he worries and gets insecure sometimes, as we all do, and I completely understand, I'd be the same if the situation was reversed. I can reassure him while I'm here and show him that his worries are silly but how do I do that while I'm over there?

There is a thought that always runs through my mind, telling me not to worry, that I shouldn't let silly trivial things ruin this for me, but how can I ignore something that is bothering him so much?

Saturday, 7 January 2012


I spent the day with my extended family in Putney Park celebrating my cousin Lidija's 30th birthday. It was a toasty warm day in Sydney and we all tried to escape the heat to shade and by cooling ourselves down by the water where a cool breeze circulated.

While the women ate and gossiped, the men drank, fished and kicked a ball around, I noticed one thing, that no matter what sort of family you have, there is no bond stronger than family. It is not only the love that keeps you together but it also the beliefs, lifestyles and experiences that makes the bonds stronger.

My family is unified by religious beliefs, past sufferings, and upbringings, making us all understanding and accepting of each other and the decisions we each make throughout our lives.

So while they may drive you crazy sometimes or make you think "how on earth am I related to these people?" don't forget that they are the ones who will understand when others don't, who won't judge you and who will be there to support you when others walk the other way.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Open the eyes of my heart.

I just saw this video, as was posted by Karen in her blog Finding Rest. This boy is such an inspiration. He is blind and autistic, as the result of a heartbreaking story. Please take the time to listen to him sing, this just shows that God is merciful, he has given this boy a voice, and a beautiful one at that.

Storms and scary stories.

I know we have all been feeling it today with the humidity and we can all hear it right now, following the blistering heat that we have been experiencing the past few days, a storm is rolling in. I do not know if it is just because we haven't had a storm in a while but this one sounds like its going to be a big one.

I came home a few minutes ago to find the house empty and dark, and with the sounds of thunder and the piercing light of the lightning flashing through the blinds my girly instincts told me to run to my room, shut the door and to not come out until the storm passes.

Maybe I am just being a sissy or maybe there is some sort of psychological damage done to me through my experiences of storms as a child, but either way i cannot help the irrational feeling that maybe it isn't just me in this big empty house.

The dogs are barking and the street is deserted. I won't enter into a room without turning the light on first, just to erase the fear of someone being there waiting for me. Washing my face was a challenge as i refused to put my face down or close my eyes, thinking that if i did this the moment i put my head up and opened my eyes someone would be there, in the mirror, looking at me.

Now, even as i write this i can tell how stupid it is, but it isn't my fault, i blame the stereotypical horror movies (which also is the reason why i will never go camping), and of course all those stormy nights i spent under a sheet with a torch lit telling scary stories with my friends (even though i don't even remember the basics of any of those stories). Still though, the thought of being home alone in a big house while a storm rages outside scares me to death!

True story.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012


I went to the Sydney Aquarium and Wildlife World today, the city was buzzing with school kids and families on school holidays.  These are just some shots that were taken today.

Baby Jurleta

My sister is 6 months pregnant! Today is exactly three months to go. She would kill me if she knew i put this up but its just so cute, the baby is getting big in there! 

Countdown to Contiki/Croatia