Friday, 4 May 2012

2 months

I reposted "explore" because I'm so excited.

Just 1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days to go!!!

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

For most of my life I grew up thinking that life was what God made it to be for us, that we had no control over anything, but only recently, as an adult, have I realized that life is what we make of it and we are only guided by God if we truly believe.

While the people in my life now are truly cherished there are those who I have met and passed judgment on me so quickly that they never even bothered to get to know me. Most of my teenage years and even now as an adult I have encountered people who think I'm spoilt, cold-hearted, stuck up or simply a bitch, but honestly they have no clue!

It is these people who have led me to stop believing that I can trust most people. I start relationships with caution and have found that I'd rather say the truth about what I'm thinking instead of constantly worrying "what if this hurts someone?"
The way I see it is: why should I? No one ever bothered to give me the same courtesy! Because if you honestly believe that I am anything other than what I say I am then you don't know me at all, you don't know the pain I've seen and experienced and you will most likely never understand me.

But calling me a bitch for saying it how I see it is, is okay with me, wasn't Jesus the one who said: "Judge not lest ye be judged"? Well I am sorry to say that if you judge me, I'll judge you all the same.

For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2

Thursday, 3 May 2012


Today was one of the hardest days I've had in months. I don't want to divulge all the personal details of my life so I'll just say that certain aspects of my life feel like they are either slipping away or falling apart.

It is easy to blame others for everything that is going wrong, as I usually do but today I forced myself to be honest with myself, I control my life, I am to blame for anything that upsets me. Why? Because it either happened due to my own actions or because I'm so weak that I let it affect me so.

So I thought, how can I change this? The only way is to control my own happiness, don't let it be so controlled by others. Also, there are certain things about my personality that I need to change. Cause when it comes down to it, all the major upsets in my life were because I am an insecure, neurotic, control freak!

I'm sure some of you are nodding your heads in agreement, to those who don't know me quite so well...yes, it's true!
Most people would think, why on earth would you tell people your greatest weaknesses!? Well the first step to overcoming a weakness is to recognize it and then to admit to it. Plus I thought it would be interesting to see who would test me or use it against me.

I had a big reality check today and it's time I took my happiness in my own hands and overcame the one personality trait that was always causing me to be unhappy. It may be hard at first but the way I see it is that I have no choice. I need to gain strength from what happened today. I need to look forward to whatever tomorrow brings with strength.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Friend or faux?

For those who read my blog regularly you might remember me mentioning that i've never surrounded myself with a big pose of girlfriends and lately i have become very proud of myself for always keeping my distance from 'those girls'.

Ive observed that 'those girls' are not really "BFFs", they stick together to validate their own existence, they lie and cheat. 'Those girls' pretend to be one big happy family but will be the first to say something nasty about one another. They come up to girls like me and say 'gosh i cant stand her she is so two-faced!'

Sometimes its better to have a handful of close friends then countless fakes just to seem cool. So here is a message to you, to all those girls who have said something bad about someone they consider their 'bestfriend', take a step back and think: is she really your friend or just a faux?

Too busy to write.

Good evening Sydney-siders, its been a while...i know! I've been so busy trying to keep my world afloat while trying not to drown in the pressure i put on myself. Things have seemed to calm down a bit, this week at least, next week will be back to business, running around like mad and pretending (always pretending) to be on top of things.

Im sure you can all sympathise with me, Sydney is one of the most fast-paced cities in the world, there is no time to take your time. Have you ever really just sat down and watched the day go by? Notice how no one walks at a leisurely pace, we all power walk from meeting to meeting, always grabbing a 'quick bite to eat' instead of enjoying a long relaxing lunch. Ever notice how women wear sneakers on the train instead of their heels, just to walk to work that much quicker?

When did our lives become blurred, its no wonder we look back on the days and barely remember anything, only when those rare moments come by that are significant enough for us to pause and take a deep breath do we remember why it is we push ahead all the time, trying to get ahead instead of just falling behind. Those moments have become defining in most of our lives and at the end of it all we start to question: how do i escape this rat race? But ofcourse Monday comes along and its back to business, we forget the thought as quickly as it came to mind.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012


In exactly four months my bags will be packed and I'll be preparing myself to say goodbye to everyone I know, everyone that makes me who I am, well who I am today that is, who i am when I come home might be a different story.

I'll have to say goodbye to all my family and friends and hardest of all the one person who holds me together when I am feeling sad, insecure, scared or vulnerable, my boyfriend. I'll have to say goodbye and fly to the other side of the world... alone.

While in many ways this scares the living hell out of me i am so excited. I will be speaking new languages, eating exotic foods, learning new cultures, art and history, and of course shopping shopping shopping!!

However, the thing that excites me most is that I will be growing under the European sun, finding out more about who I am as a person and learning to love myself as an individual.

I can't wait to explore London, fall in love with Paris, drink wine in the Beaujolais Wine region, picnic in the French countryside, have my night of glamour in Monte Carlo, be amazed at the architecture in Florence, get in touch with my spirited side in Rome and the Vatican, go paragliding in Austria, struggle for words at the Dachau concentration camp in Munich, eating lots of chocolate in Switzerland, party away in Amsterdam and finally relax abroad in Croatia, finding peace and familiarity in a country I hold deep in my heart.

4 months and counting.....